sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
