She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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