I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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