Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
