My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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