haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
