My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
