he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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