so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
