omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
