I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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