I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
