there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
