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I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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