How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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