From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
