The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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