coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
