I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
