what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
