I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
