mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize