Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
