Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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