Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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