I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
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I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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