I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
