i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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