I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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