Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
