I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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