Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
