He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
