I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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