i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
