things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
