Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
