addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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