high people should be assigned attendants
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
