My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
