Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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