I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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