dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I need moral support for this bender
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
