i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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