I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
