If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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