do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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