dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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