i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
