Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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