i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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