Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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