I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
