Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
