Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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