She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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