I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
