Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
worst night to have a conscience
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
