i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
