Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
