I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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