Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
