This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
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After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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