There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
