I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
