u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
