Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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