i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
