you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
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