I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
