Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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