Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
