I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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