just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
