Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
