god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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