does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
