Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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