Your face is a jimmy john
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
