I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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