We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
